Homeless in Seattle

2007. Driving in the PNW one year back from Tokyo. I can imagine I was listening to something worthy of the drive; something bought from the record store perhaps hours before. I can't remember if I had bought my Volkswagen Golf, (stick shift of course) with cloth gray seats decorated by one thousand cigarette burns within the fabric this particular year or the following. Those were lonely but wonderful times. I'd drive to Portland just for coffee. Money was spent only on CDs, espresso, and gas. I was officially an art school dropout, played some incredible venues, and was filled with a wanderlust that despised being wherever I was because there was always someplace better that I could be. I was burning for something to do but nothing would ever satisfy me in those days. There's something good about struggling without looking at anything. Facebook was just starting but no one was really looking at it, (or at least I wasn't). In fact, even about four to five years later I didn't have a phone at all in the age of smart phones. I was determined to keep living off pure romanticism, shaping the world into what it ought to be in my head rather than seeing it all at once. I wasn't looking at anyone else, comparing my story to theirs. Everything and anything I thought was written pen to paper in a cafe for myself, to wrestle with who I was and who I was becoming. Throughout history, society and culture were shaped by the rebuke and consequence of an immediate community. Do something rude and get a look that would signify that the action was inappropriate and should not be repeated. To struggle now is to suffer some sort of oppression that is without context- only that it is unfair and should be repaired immediately. Delayed consequence via social media is not good. Celebrating via likes from anonymous people shape a person to repeat actions that have not been approved by the wisdom of the ages. Perhaps I wouldn't have felt so alone in the world and lost but there's a time for everything. There's a time to perhaps feel completely upside down, dropped in another country by yourself to figure out how to piece yourself together into something that can contribute. Struggling is a part of life, especially in the area of identity. It takes time, perhaps a lifetime, therefore anything but immediate. A social media generation- raised without immediate consequence, measured by the world, and shaped via clicks will be an interesting thing to watch. I can say this: if you do give yourself time to struggle and discover who you are, do so unplugged. Perhaps it is impossible to grow up an individual in the age of the collective, but try... Attempt to find yourself away from the constant nagging of others. That time especially is so important. Treat yourself with that importance, no matter the age, to introduce yourself with you. Seven billion voices are a lot to filter through. We need strong people who know who they are.