The Self Deception of Sacrifice

How people serve themselves under the guise of service.

At the core of everything, we desire purpose. We are inspired by stories of the past- when revolutions occurred for the better and a people rose up to do “good,” often going against the grain of culture and often at great sacrifice to their own reputation. That sort of rebellion was not built around an identity, or a desire for self worth, but instead, entirely a selfless act. It was “look at this thing that is wrong,” rather than “look at me.” It was “this will cost me,” not “this will help me.” Cost means that you’d have to increase your value in some way to the community at large so that you’d be able to give if the time came. Maybe it’s your time, (which is inherently valuable because of the value of life) but the sacrifice would come in that you were authentically trading one thing for the other. If you had no responsibilities, the trade would not be quite as steep. A child trades their time to go to school, but in this way they are not sacrificing their time. They are receiving more than they are “giving.” They attend school and receive an education. The alternative is that they stay at home, perhaps remain ignorant of the world, and the cost in reverse would be a burden to future generations. The question would be, “what is the cost?” and that would determine the sacrifice. The opposing question would be, “what is there to gain?” and that would determine whether there was any tinge of virtue in the supposed act of kindness and selflessness. If there is more to gain than there is to lose, then no matter the facade, the scales of Lady Justice would easily tip towards selfishness. Our eyes can be deceiving. Sometimes, it is better to close them to reveal the truth.

True service would come at the cost of one’s own preference. When I returned to my home country of Japan as a middle schooler, even as an angsty teenager, I did not expect for an entire country rich in tradition to bend it’s knee at my 12 or so years of experience in the United States. Japan is famous for its consideration. Walk onto a train and you may be flabbergasted by the immediate silence that fills each cabin. It is a cultural difference as even in the cafe I sit in (now in the States), a woman blasts her speakerphone with an array of YouTube shorts for everyone to hear. By boarding a train with the same selfishness on display, I would immediately be impeding my own will upon the host country. So, first thing’s first. In order to be of service, you must know the rules. You must adapt to the rules. Adaptation is a sign of love and love is selfless. Love is the highest high anyone may dare aim at. To say, “come down to me where I can attain you” is a foolish statement. By blasting one’s speaker on a train in Japan, no matter if you give up your seat as an act of selflessness, you are helping one person sit while disturbing the peace of hundreds around you including the person who is now sitting. You are not helping, and what’s worse, you should have no right feeling a sense of virtue that you are. You are being served by the rest of cabin who are politely overlooking your own ignorance. You are receiving more than you are giving.

We can find a sort of parable in the Bible with such a lesson. In Matthew 25:14 there is a famous story of a master giving talents, (or we can say money) to his servants before going away on a journey. To one he gave five, to another two, and to another one. When the master comes back from his trip, he gathers the servants to him to have them return the talents he entrusted them with back to him. The one with five had traded his to return a profit of five more. The one with two doubled what was given to him and returned two more. But the one with one did something that the others did not. More than not return anything, he first assumed the nature of the master saying, “I have heard that you were a hard man and so I became fearful and buried the talent.” The assumption showed that he did not know the person he was serving. How can you help someone when you do not know how to help them? Second, they were fearful. Fear caused them the inability to adapt and therefore remain in ignorance. It was the humility of the other two to understand that they were taking a risk in order to double the profits of the master. They had to do something in order to serve rather than receive. In Adler Psychology, he would say that the third servant first conjured up the emotion of fear in order to justify the unwillingness to act. They did not adapt, face their fears with humility, and find a way to serve the person who had entrusted them with something that was not theirs. Instead, they took, refused to know the master, and then bury the thing entrusted to them. The other two had something to show for their service and yet this servant felt the most justified in their inaction. In fact, they perhaps fully believed they were helping the most by doing the thing that the master desired the least.

To no surprise to anyone except the ignorant third servant the master answered, “You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed?” He then gives the talent to the one who had the most because they could be trusted with the master’s possessions. The question the master asked is almost sarcastic. “Oh you knew did you?” when it was clear they knew nothing. You cannot assume if you’re authentically attempting to help. You cannot do the least and then create a story of sacrifice from it. You cannot receive more than you give, and then act as though you were giving from the beginning. Had they received the talent from the master and given it to charity, this too would have not sufficed. It is not theirs to give- and therefore having a feeling of charity with money that is not yours will not do.

Obedience and humility displays honor, and honor eventually turns to trust. The master could not trust someone who assumed their character. When we serve, we should serve with the same sort of humility, adaptation, and hard work that elevates the desire of the person we are serving. If we, like the third servant, attempt to help in our own way- through fear, excuse, ignorance, and laziness- then we are receiving more than we are giving. The scales tip, and though our eyes deceive us, the scales do not lie.